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| 09 July 2010
LeBron James has arrived in Miami, and the results are much worse than anyone could have anticipated. The weight of his ego, the likes of which have not been seen in some time, is already causing the entire city of Miami to plummet into the Atlantic Ocean.
Geologists hypothesize if it is not somehow harnessed, the current size of LeBron's ego will be devastating to the city of Miami, and possibley all of South Florida.
"We were stunned to see the rapid rate in which LeBron James' ego has caused the city of Miami to sink," said University of Miami geologist Margaret Keeler. "Throw in (Dwyane) Wade and (Chris) Bosh, and it's a perfect storm. The entire city is several inches lower than when they all arrived, which was just a few hours ago. At the current rate, the entire city could be about twenty feet underwater if the Heat win the Finals."
"Right now, our best bet to save the city is to humble LeBron in some way. Minimize his ego, as impossible as that sounds. Maybe the Magic, Celtics, Lakers, heck even the Timberwolves could win the Finals. Just don't let it be the Heat. If we need to facilitate a career ending injury to do it, that's fine too. I'd be willing to kneecap LeBron as long as someone from Cleveland doesn't come down here and beat me to it."
Good news for residents of Miami, this isn't the first time the city has had to manage such a problem.
"We've dealt with large NBA egos before," said oceanographer Phil Quixby. "Shaq was here for a couple years, and we survived his ego. We also survived the weight of his giant head, which was truly remarkable."
If the city of Miami does indeed plunge deep into the Atlantic, scientists believe Chris Bosh will be the lone survivor, as his freakishly long neck should keep his head above water.
Around the Web:
LeBronfest makes us face the ugly truch about James' unmatched ego (CBS Sports)
Lebron: The Ego Has Landed In South Beach (Sports Money)
LeTurd (Twolves Blog)
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