All-Star catcher Joe Mauer and the Minnesota Twins are continuing extension talks regarding the length of Mauer's sideburns. If the two sides are unable to reach an agreement, Mauer's future in Minnesota will remain uncertain. no comments
Major League Baseball has placed an asterisk next to Sammy Sosa's skin rejuvenation process, attempting to guard against current and former players looking like complete morons. Sosa underwent an elective skin rejuvenation process that made him look like, well, take a look for yourself. no comments
With the conclusion of the World Series, players with expired contracts were eligible to file for free agency. The list of free agents consists of some big names, including Jason Bay, Matt Holliday and John Lackey, as well as several others. The Baltimore Oriole fan base has also decided to try their luck on the free agent market. no comments
The New York Yankees won their 27th World Series title in franchise history last night, but the tone was surprisingly one of indifference. Yankee management appeared to be completely bored with the outcome of buying a World Series title, and has now set their sights on buying something else. no comments
Inexplicably, the Phillies allowed Johnny Damon to steal two bases on the same pitch in the ninth inning of a 4-4 game in the World Series. After the game, the Phillies inattentiveness continued, as Damon was able to kidnap the Philly Phanatic. no comments
Following their game one defeat at the hands of the Phillies, the New York Yankees and their fans are starting to panic. It is believed that the Yankees will use any means necessary to win game two, even if it means elevating Joba Chamberlain's pitchcount to as many as five pitches.
"We have to do what we have to do," said manager Joe Girardi. "Joba will have to elevate his game and possibly the number of pitches he is able to throw. Five pitches is a lot for him at this stage of the season, but we need big things from everyone, Joba included."
If Chamberlain is unable to throw up to five pitches, Girardi says he will be forced to use Mariano Rivera for at least three innings after using four other pitchers to throw 1/3 of an inning each.
"It's just the Yankee protocol for an important game," said Girardi. "At least while I'm managing it will be."
In recent years, Major League Baseball has been notorious for scheduling playoffs games to meet the needs of television networks. The World Series match-up between the Phillies and Yankees is no exception. To accomodate Fox and their primetime programming, the series is not slated to start until 2013.
"Fox is giving us a boatload of money," said MLB commissioner Bud Selig. "So we have to accomodate every request that they throw our way. It doesn't matter if we lose fans in the process, we have to schedule our games around Fox's programming."
To no one's surprise, Fox is very happy with the arrangement.
"We are very pleased that Bud Selig and MLB meet our requests for the scheduling of playoff and World Series games, even if the breaks in between games are completely ridiculous," said a Fox executive. "But we can assure the American baseball fan that the Phillies-Yankees World Series will begin in 2013, right after House and American Idol finish their successful runs on our network." no comments
With several controversial calls during this year's playoffs, major league umpiring has drawn a great deal of scrutiny. But last night, after making a correct call on a routine ground out in the 6th inning during the Phillies-Dodgers game, 1st base umpire Gary Cederstrom promptly announced his retirement.
"Yeah, it was kind of an unusual move, but I wanted to go out on top," said Cederstrom. "Retiring at the peak of your profession isn't something that most people are able to do. I didn't want to regret staying on too long, and making some controversial foul ball call or home run call and have it be incorrect. Now is the right time to walk away." no comments
With a big series approaching, the Yankees are turning to their big players for the ALCS against the Angels. Manager Joe Girardi announced today that the Yankees will most likely go with a Jeter only batting order for the duration of the series.
"Derek Jeter is clutch. Make that Derek Jeter is the definition of clutch," said Girdardi. "Why wouldn't we want him to take each and every at bat for us? Great players come through in great situations. Sending Jeter to the plate 30 or 40 times a game gives us a better chance to win."
However, by sending Jeter to the plate for every at bat, the Yankees are left with no one to run the bases.
"Yeah, we thought of that," said Girardi. "But by heightening the importance of each at bat, we really think it will lead to 80 or 90 home runs for Derek in this series. He is the definition of clutch, after all." no comments
Despite a desperate three out rally attempt in the 9th inning, the Colorado Rockies were eliminated from the playoffs by the Philadelphia Phillies. Rockies shortstop, Troy Tulowitzki, who was struck out by Phillies closer Brad Lidge for the third out in the 9th inning, refused to let the game end.
"C'mon guys, we can still do it," said Tulowitzki, frantically taking cuts against imaginary pitches. "We're not out of it yet. Hey Lidge, is that all you got?!?"
As Tulowitzki was taking hacks, Rockies outfielder Carlos Gonzalez, who was on second for the third out, repeatedly ran around the bases until collapsing.
"Did we do it?" said the obviously fatigued and bewildered outfielder. "Rocktober....we can't let Rocktober end!"
The futile comeback mercifully ended when the stadium staff finally decided to turn off the lights. no comments
