Alex Rodriguez finally stepped up, clubbing two key home runs that lifted the Yankees to an ALDS sweep of the Minnesota Twins. However, due to his lack of postseason production historically, and the Yankees recent lack of postseason success, a confused A-Rod began celebrating what he believed to be a World Series victory.

"We won the World Series!" said a jubilant Rodriguez. "It feels so good to finally be a champion. Hopefully people will mention me along side other great champions too, like my teammate Derek Jeter. I guess this is old hat for Jeter. He doesn't seem to be as happy as me, but he's won like 10 World Series before I got here. Probably not a big deal anymore."

Despite having one more round to go to even reach the World Series, Jeter let A-Rod enjoy his moment.

"He doesn't get too many opportunities to celebrate a big win," said Jeter, "so we'll let him have this. Besides, if he stinks it up against the Angels [in the ALCS], things will go back to normal and fans won't like him anymore. But they will continue to love me and my continued heads up, clutch performances. Like when I took that pitch for ball two yesterday. That was sweet." no comments

With yet another improbable playoff win, this time a 4-3 extra innings victory, with a 9th inning homer by Alex Rodriguez and an 11th inning walk off home run by Mark Teixeira, the New York Yankees have proven that they can still win games in a completely irritating fashion. The game also included a blown call on a ball hit by Joe Mauer, a ball called foul, that should have been ruled a double. His double would have given the Twins the lead in extra innings. Instead, it merely added more movitation for Yankee players to piss everyone else off.

"I love getting under people's skin," said a smirking Alex Rodriguez. "So tonight, we took the approach to sit back, and let the Twins get what they viewed as a comfortable 3-1 lead. Then, since it was the ninth inning, Tex [Mark Teixeira] and I said we'd better tie this thing up. So we did. Then that walk-off by Tex was just the icing on the cake."

Yankee players are not the only members of the organization that enjoy infuriating fans of every other baseball team.

Said owner Harold (Or is it Heathcliffe? I don't know, some name with an H) Steinbrenner, "That's why we go out and spend $800 million dollars each off season and have a quarter of a billion annual payroll, for moments like this. To see the angered looks on non-Yankee fans faces makes it all worth it. We're not in this for the World Series titles, secretly, we just REALLY like irritating people, particularly baseball fans." no comments

The Twins continued their improbable late season run, with a one game playoff victory over the Detroit Tigers in extra innings. Many are attributing the Twins victory to Metrodome magic, as this is the last season the Twins will play in the dome. Today, it was revealed that Metrodome magic was just some dude in the upper deck with a magic 8 ball.

"It was cool," said Tom Smuckers, a 33 year old Twins fan from Martinburg, MN. "I'd ask the magic 8 ball a question and it was always a positive response. 'Are the Twins going to win?' I asked, and the response was 'Most likely'. When I asked, 'Will Gomez score?' it replied 'It is decidedly so'. It was awesome!"

News of the magic 8 ball has sent Minneapolis area retailers into a frenzy, looking for more magic 8 balls, ouija boards, and other magic kits designed for kids.
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The New York Mets shook up their coaching staff following their disappointing season, including firing first base coach Luis Alicea. The Mets claim that Alicea was fired because the team was unable to score enough runs, despite having a good on base percentage and batting average. But those behind the scenes say that Alicea was fired because he was constantly leaving his post at first base and wandering off to second or third.

"What's the big deal?" asked Alicea. "It gets boring standing at first base all of the time. Guys are constantly trying to run away from you. It gets depressing. So I just wanted to see things from a different perspective. So what."

Mets GM, Omar Minaya, was not impressed with Alicea's behavior. He said the move had to be made.

"We need our first base coach to help us produce runs. We can't have him walking across the mound or to second base while the game is going on. It's not safe for him, or the players on the field. Besides, I had to blame someone for our awful season. I'm sure not going to fire myself."
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Chicago fell short in its Olympic bid for the 2016 Olympics yesterday, with Rio de Janeiro getting the nod. Many close to the situation feel that it is Milton Bradley's poor attitude and behavior that cost the city of Chicago the 2016 Olympics.

"I knew he was going to hurt us," said a bid organizer. "The IOC (International Olympic Committee) looks at stuff like that. He was such a poor representation of what Chicago is all about. It's really disheartening."

When he heard of this Milton Bradley was apologetic, while at the same time blaming everyone else for his behavior.

"I am sorry that I appear to have cost Chicago the 2016 Olympics," said Bradley. "But it is just unrealistic for a grown man, playing a kid's game to act like an adult when people are always in his face asking stupid questions about why I act like a 7-year-old. It's everyone else's fault I was unable to meet expectations (referring to his .257 average, 12 HRs and 40 RBIs) and now it's their fault Chicago lost the Olympics. It's not me, it's you, and you, and you...."
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The Tigers and Twins, with the American League Central title possibly hanging in the balance, played a very exciting, playoff type atmosphere doubleheader yesterday, with each team picking up a win. Major League Baseball has decided to follow up that excitement with a boring, ho-hum one game singleheader.

"Way to go Major League Baseball," said one Twins fan. "We build up all of this drama with a doubleheader and they follow it up with one game. Booorrriiinnnggg!"

Tiger fans feel the same way.

Said Reginald Patterson, a 40-year-old unemployed Tiger fan, "Why can't we play three games, or four, or six? Half of Detroit is out of work. At least give us something to look forward to."
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The cursed Chicago Cubs have been disappointing fans since 1908, the last time the franchise won the World Series. This year's version of the Cubbies can clinch the 101st consecutive disappointing season by losing to the Giants, or with a win by the St. Louis Cardinals over the Colorado Rockies.

"It's great that we can uphold the tradition of the Cubs franchise and disappoint Cubs fans everywhere," said manager Lou Pineilla. "Tradition is important in baseball, and we are just glad to be a part of the storied history of the Chicago Cubs. Or the unstoried history. However you look at it."

Cubs management is already working on disappointing fans next year, by determining which big name free agents they will pursue, giving fans hope, only to have that player underachieve or succumb to some type of injury.
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Brad Lidge blew another save last night, giving up two runs in the Phillies 7-6 loss to the Marlins. But some good has come out of it for Lidge, as he has been named the Phillies playoff opponent MVP.

"It's quite an honor to be named MVP," said Lidge, "even though it is our opponent. But being a playoff MVP for the Dodgers, Cardinals or the wild card team is pretty cool. I'm just glad that they hold me in such high regard."

In addition to being named MVP for the Phillies playoff opponent, Lidge has been moved to the starting rotation. Philadelphia manager Charlie Manuel says the move was made to give the Phillies a chance to catch up after Lidge gives up 2 or 3 runs, something that was very difficult to do in the 9th inning.
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With the Dodgers closing in on a playoff berth, several players may start to coast the rest of the way. Leftfielder, Manny Ramirez, has decided to "just be some guy named Steve" until the playoffs begin.

"I'm tired of just being Manny," said Ramirez. "So until the playoffs start, I just want to be some guy named Steve. If you want me to do something random or irriational, you'll have to wait until the playoffs start."

The Dodgers promotional staff has already tried to cash in on the "just being Steve" phenomenon, as they have begun selling Steve the construction worker, Steve the waiter, and Steve the banker t-shirts.
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Despite a lack of big name talent, and a paltry $200 million payroll, the New York Yankees are back in the playoffs. By virture of their 6-5 victory last night over the Angels, the Yankees have clinched a wild card birth, and will most likely win the AL East.

"This just shows you what a hard working organization can do," said manager Joe Girardi. "My hat goes off to guys like Alex Rodriguez, Johnny Damon, C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett and Mark Teixeira who have payed their dues in our minor league system and are now getting their chance in the big leagues. It's really amazing, with the roster we have, and the low salaries give out, that we can win a baseball game 63% of the time. Remarkable."

In addition to clinching a playoff berth, the Yankees have given American baseball fans further opportunity to hate the Yankees.
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